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Digital Car™

Often imitated, but never emulated, it's the classic Digital Car™! A timeless classic, our Digital Car™ replaces all analog devices such as brakes, accelerator and steering with digital on/off switches. An incredible list of features and options makes our digital vehicle the best on the road today! Current estimates show this vehicle to be dangerous to yourself and others only about 98.3% of the time.

Trackball Car™

Our latest automotive offering, the Trackball Car™ revolutionizes the specialty car industry by taking various control elements from the 80's arcade classic Missile Command™ (name used without permission) and puts them on the dashboard. That's right, now you can steer, accelerate, and brake your vehicle just by rotating a whole globe on the dash! We've also thrown some buttons on the dashboard to control the lights and temperature controls.

Home Strip Mining Kit™

Strip Mine yourself RICH! Ever need that precious ore for your home project? Well, now you can mine it yourself for the cost of a mine and our finest water-based equipment. Local taxes may apply. Migrant workers not included.

Oil Rig Stereo™

Our Oil Rig Stereo™ is the original! Why has it been around so long? Because unlike the competitions' units, we use only current-spec electrical transformers arcing electricity into the earth's crust through the drilling mechanism, not outdated or previous model year equipment. Sure, this unit may cause a tidal wave disaster, but we think you'll agree that this is a small price to pay for truly earth-rattling bass! Current prices reflect oil industry performance.

Home Brain Tumor Kit™

We pulled out all the stops on this one. Now you can use our specially modified microwave oven to give yourself a brain tumor over the course of several months, then go through the process of diagnosis and removal! We also throw in a home chemotherapy kit absolutely free!

Magma Iron Kit™

Nothing makes your clothes appear more attractive than hot magma. This is a webmaster pick for new product of the year!